Remembrance and Contemplation

Sometimes introspection hits us in the most surprising of ways. I was flipping through some old photos tonight, when there they were...my father's eyes staring back at me. I haven't seen a picture of my father since the day of his funeral. The picture was taken at my nephew's baptism - a seemingly happy occasion. But even then, I knew - there were so many things I wanted to tell him, to show him, to give him, but I knew then that we were on borrowed time.

My father was a concert pianist. From a very young age I sat beside him, entranced as his fingers magically danced across the keys swirling music all around us. Sadly, as he grew sicker, he played less and less, frustrated and embarrassed that his fingers had lost their dexterity, until a few notes during the holidays was all the music I could hope for. Last Christmas, after I'd said goodnight and climbed beneath the covers, I heard the last carols I'd ever hear him play. As I lay in the quiet, a few notes crept through the silence, and then a chord, then a few hesitant bars of "O' Holy Night" began. Ever a proud man, he'd waited to play until I wasn't watching his trembling fingers struggle to find the right keys. I crept out of bed and stood in the darkness and let his music fill my soul.

Of my father's possessions, there was only one thing I wanted after he passed away - his sheet music. From his notes in the margins to dog-eared corners turned down to mark his favorite songs, a treasured piece of him is forever embedded in those well-worn pages. This holiday season I am hopeful that someday soon we'll have a child to share our lives with. And tonight, as I gazed upon his picture, I knew - although they will never meet the way I would have liked, our child and my father will find a way to know each other through his music - as those pages turn, the beloved notes of Christmas carols past will weave indelible melodies into future dreams.

So, to all those who have lost something in their lives, whether it be a spouse, a parent, a lover, a dream - turn your face towards the stars, and let promise fall upon you this Christmas eve - after all, Santa's kind of known for dropping hope out of the sky.